Samurai Vampire Bikers from Hell: The Screenplay - Scott Shaw - Zen Filmmaking
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SAMURAI VAMPIRE BIKERS FROM HELL
Written by Scott Shaw
First Draft
Copyright 1991
WGA.w Registered
SAMURAI VAMPIRE BIKERS FROM HELL
FADE IN:
EXT. TUNNEL - NIGHT
A lighted tunnel looms in the distance. The sound of numerous motorcycles approaching can be heard.
INT. VAMPIRE PARTY MONTAGE - NIGHT
A group of young wild vampires, carrying samurai swords, dressed in modern clothing are having a party.
EXT. TUNNEL - NIGHT
A lighted tunnel looms in the distance. The sound of a single Harley Davidson motorcycle can be heard.
INT. VAMPIRE FEEDING MONTAGE - NIGHT
The group of vampires pull their swords from their sheaths and begin to assault a female. The woman screams.
EXT. CHURCH - NIGHT
The image of gothic church looms in the distance.
INT. VAMPIRE ABODE - NIGHT
Three male vampires, MARKUS, (an Asian male with long hair), VINCENT, (a male with short hair, needing a shave). JACOB, (a male with long hair), push at one another. An obvious power play, between them, over the woman who lay topless, apparently dead, with sword slashes on her body.
Camera goes to her pale face. Her eyes open.
The male Vampires look at one another as she begins to rise.
The confrontation between them stops.
They study her, look at one
another and begin to laugh.
EXT. TUNNEL - NIGHT
The lighted
tunnel is seen. The sound of the single Harley
Davidson motorcycle is heard.
The motorcycle
and a rider, ALEXADER HELL, (a man with long blond
hair) magically appear at the entrance to the tunnel.
Hell looks around for a moment and then rides off.
INT. DRAKE'S OFFICE - NIGHT
A dimly lightly office with general memorabilia on the wall and on
the desk. A gun lay with its clip out upon the desk.
Camera moves up
to view a man, MR. DRAKE, in a messy suit sitting
asleep in his office chair.
Drake abruptly awakes from his sleep.
DRAKE
The gate has been broken.
CUT TO:
INT. VAMPIRE PARTY MONTAGE – NIGHT
INT. LUCAS' ABODE – DAWN
A dark atmosphere pervades the place.
Hell walks in a bit dismayed and looks around for a few moments.
LUCAS a man, apparently, mid forties walks in carrying a tennis racquet.
LUCAS
Alexander!
Lucas and Hell make eye contact and walk towards one another and hug.
ALEXADER
Hey, hey, hey, Lucas... How the hell are you?
LUCAS
Hell, I thought that was you neck of the
woods...
(laughter)
But, I'm fine.
Lucas pulls back from Hell.
LUCAS
God, look at you...
ALEXADER
Don't say that word, God...
(Mutual laughter)
LUCAS
What's it been... five or six hundred years?
ALEXADER
Yeah, give or take a decade or two.
LUCAS
How was your trip out of hell?
ALEXADER
Well, the last few hundred miles were dark; but, you know how it goes... Wouldn't have made the journey for any one but you.
LUCAS
Any trouble passing through the gate?
ALEXADER
Had to kick the gatekeepers ass....
But, I made it out...
Hell begins to study the tennis racket Lucas is holding.
LUCAS
(reflecting)
Paid him of too... Lost a good soul or three
on that one.
ALEXADER
Better get you barter back.... By the way, man,
what is that you got in your hand?
LUCAS
It's a tennis racquet.
ALEXADER
Tennis?
LUCAS
Tennis, yes. It's a great game.
ALEXADER
Yeah, I've seen it once or twice down on the Hell cable news network, but don't you need sun or something like that to play it in.
LUCAS
Sun, yes, of course... A brisk morning game of tennis does wonders for the soul.
ALEXADER
Yeah, don't mention that word either...
But, I thought you guys...
LUCAS
You guys?
ALEXADER
Yeah, you know, you guys of the blood.
I thought that you couldn't go out in that stuff.
LUCAS
Alexander, I'll talk to you about that later.
Hell, begins to shield his eyes and face.
ALEXADER
Yeah, it is getting a bit bright out there.
Better go retire, if you catch my meaning.
LUCAS
Yes, will talk about a lot of things later.
DISSOVLE TO:
INT. VAMPIRES ABODE - DAY
The young vampires lie on the floor, upon each other, etc., sleeping.
INT. LUCAS' ABODE – DAY
Lucas and LATIFA (a woman late twenties) sit.
SIR KATANA an Asian man enters. He carries two samurai swords. One he throws at the feet of Lucas.
KATANA
Brought you a present Lucas... Thought,
That it might make you remember your roots.
Lucas picks up the sword, looks at it for a moment and then places it to his side.
LUCAS
It's been a long time Katana. We of the
blood, should stay closer together.
KATANA
Blood, Hell...
OPENING SCENE
SECOND DRAFT
INT. LUCAS’ ABODE
ALEXANDER HELL, a man with long blond hair, dressed in biker clothing, carrying a samurai sword, walks in a bit dismayed and looks around for a few moments.
LUCAS a
conservative man, wearing a suit, apparently, mid forties
walks in.
LUCAS
(smiling)
Alexander! Alexander. How the Hell are
you?
Lucas walks towards Hell and attempts to hug him.
Hell pulls back, giving Lucas a bit a shove.
ALEXANDER
Hell, that's your business.
(BEAT)
Back off, man.
LUCAS
I heard you made your way out.
ALEXANDER
No thanks to you.
Hell pulls out
his samurai sword and holds it to the neck of
Lucas.
Lucas laughs
and pulls back. He casually pushes the sword out of
the way.
LUCAS
Don't you know by now Alexander, you can't
kill a vampire with one of those.
ALEXANDER
No, maybe not. But, I can sure take off
an arm or two. How'd you like to go through
eternity like that.
Lucas shakes his head, begins to laugh.
ALEXANDER
Give me my money and I'll be on
My way.
Lucas studies Hell for a few moments...
LUCAS
(calmly)
How was your trip out of Hell?
ALEXANDER
The last few hundred miles were dark, as usual.
LUCAS
Any trouble passing through the gate?
ALEXANDER
Like you care...
(BEAT)
Had to kick the gate
keepers ass... But, I made it
out. No help
from you.
LUCAS
(reflecting )
I paid him off. Lost a good soul or
three on
that one.
ALEXANDER
Better get your barter back.
LUCAS
Listen Alexander, I have to talk to...
ALEXANDER
No, you listen Lucas. I did a job for you. I went down there, and it was a lot more than I bargained for. I did what you asked, now give me the money and I'm out of here.
LUCAS
It's not that simple Alexander.
ALEXANDER
Yes, it is that simple.
LUCAS
(continuing)
You see I brought these demons out of Hell.
ALEXANDER
Yeah, I heard something about that,
down under.
(BEAT)
Had to trade a lot of pure souls to
get
them out; didn't you?
LUCAS
Yes, but...
ALEXANDER
Look, man, I don't care. You got your
greed
and ethics and I got my.
LUCAS
(interrupting)
But you don't understand. I've brought
them up
here and now they won't go back.
Hell thinks for a moment.
ALEXANDER
What's in it for me?
LUCAS
I think that you know a few of them.
One in
particular, Princess Die.
Alexander reflects for a moment.
ALEXANDER
And so...
LUCAS
You can have her.
ALEXANDER
Yeah, just what I need another bitch
from Hell.
Lucas becomes concerned.
LUCAS
Look, Alexander, I can't control them.
ALEXANDER
Oh, the mighty Lucas not in control.
LUCAS
(very serious)
Name your price, Alexander.
Hell thinks for a moment; then, looks around him.
ALEXANDER
This place will do nicely.
LUCAS
My castle.
ALEXANDER
You called it; now pay or play.
LUCAS
Alright, if you pull it off...
ALEXANDER
If...
CUT TO:
INT LUCAS’ ABODE - A SHORT TIME LATER
Lucas and Hell are walking. They stop.
LUCAS
They're after the serum.
ALEXANDER
You mean the one Madame Octavia brewed up that let’s you Pires walk in the daylight.
LUCAS
That's it.
ALEXANDER
You brought them up here; why not give it to
them?
LUCAS
(frantic)
Do you know what a disaster that would be. If
the un-dead where to walk in the
day.
ALEXANDER
You look in any mirrors, lately?
LUCAS
(calming down)
I want you to work with a man.
ALEXANDER
I work alone.
LUCAS
He's one of us.
ALEXANDER
You mean he’s one of you.
LUCAS
Whatever... His name is Sir Katana
ALEXANDER
Already met him.
LUCAS
(surprised)
You have?
(BEAT)
You both have a reason to want the intruders back in Hell. Yours is...
ALEXANDER
(interrupting)
Mine is my new crib. (As he looks around).
LATIFA, a beautiful woman, apparently in her late twenties. She is Lucas’ consort. She enters from behind Lucas.
LATIFA
Lucas...
Lucas turns; he is
obviously very happy to see her. They embrace one another
and hold each other for a moment.
Latifa, though holding Lucas, has her eyes on Hell. Lucas releases the hug.
LUCAS
Alexander this is Latifa.
ALEXANDER
(disinterested)
Good to see you.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. LUCAS’ ABODE - DAY
Lucas and Latifa sit on thrones.
SIR KATANA an Asian man enters. He carries two samurai swords. One he throws at the feet of Lucas.
KATANA
Brought you a present Lucas... Thought, that
it might make you remember your
roots.
Lucas picks up the sword, looks at it for a moment, then places it to his side.
LUCAS
It's been a long time Katana. We of the blood,
should stay closer together.
KATANA
Of the blood, Hell...
LUCAS
Hell, yes that is where you would be if it
were not for me.
LATIFA
(interrupting)
Well, it was actually, I who made you, of the
blood.
KATANA
Yeah, some favor.
LUCAS
It would appear that Sir Katana has developed a major attitude problem.
(To Latifa)
Wouldn't you say dear?
LATIFA
Major attitude.
KATANA
You called me over here, Luke. You want to
talk? Talk!
LUCAS
Don’t call me, "Luke," you little Vampire With
Out A Clue. The name is Lucas.
KATANA
Sure thing, Luke. So, what do you want from
me?
LUCAS
(still angered)
Katana. we’ve been having a few minor difficulties with some of the hired help.
KATANA
So.
LATIFA
What he means, darling, is that we brought up some talent from the underworld and they’ve gotten completely out of hand. They're raising hell all over the city.
LUCAS
They multiply like rabbits! I don’t know where
they keep coming from. And then
a bunch of
them will just take off and
disappear. I can't
control them anymore.
LATIFA
And you should see some of the women they have
hanging all over them. Sluts
from Hell.
KATANA
(sarcastically)
Unlike you.
LATIFA
Bite your tongue.
LUCAS
So, you see, Katana, we need you and... to finesse the situation. We need your powers of persuasiveness, your tact, your charm…
LATIFA
We need you to kick the shit out of them.
KATANA
(angered)
Yeah, me and who... Lucas?
Lucas and Latifa look at one another.
LUCAS
Well, you and Hell.
KATANA
Hell?
LATIFA
Yes, Hell sweetheart, Alexander Hell.
KATANA
You mean that no good, sword carrying wanta-be
samurai, human?
LUCAS
Well, yes.
KATANA
No way, man. He's a human. I'm a thousand
years old, I fought some of the
greatest
samurai warriors of history, and
won.
LUCAS
Yes, but he's not just a human.
LATIFA
(reflecting)
No, not just an average man, at all.
Lucas studies her emotions.
KATANA
Why isn't he one of us?
LUCAS
Doesn't want to be.
KATANA
You people converted me, when I wasn't sure. What about him?
LATIFA
He's strong, very strong.
Lucas still studying Latifa
questioning her strong reaction about Alexander Hell. He takes his eyes from
her and back to
Katana.
LUCAS
You see but he's been there.
KATANA
Been where?
LUCAS
Hell, he's been down there.
Katana, becomes quiet and reflects for a moment.
KATANA
Hell’s been to Hell. How'd you pull that one off?
LATIFA
(still mesmerized)
He pulled it off...
LUCAS
I don't know, it's this thing with him being
human...
KATANA
Look, I really don't care about all your
problems, with Hell, this human!
Your crew
from the underworld... I just
don't care.
LUCAS
We need you to work for us. We need you to
tell them their time on earth
has run its
course, that the dark kingdom
cries out for
their presence.
LATIFA
(interrupting)
Tell them to go to Hell.
KATANA
What do I look like, a garbage man? Someone
who takes out the trash? I don't
think so.
These Vampires from Hell are
your problem. You
deal with them. I don't have the
time.
LUCAS
You know what your problem is, Katana? You
think that your better than
everyone else. You
think you're too good for all of
us other
Vampires.
LATIFA
You were such a sweet boy when you came to us,
Katana. So polite and eager to
learn. We even
let you join in our Vampire
games. But I think
Lucas is right, you've become a
pretentious
bore.
KATANA
Don't try to sweet-talk me.
LATIFA
I wouldn't dream of it.
LUCAS
You think that you've got it made, don't you,
Katana? Living large with the
humans. But what
happens when they find out what
you really
are? They'll turn on you faster
than a virgin
bleeds
KATANA
LATIFA
You're being an ungrateful little beast. We
taught you everything about
being a Vampire.
How to dress, how to act, how to
eat in
restaurants. How to make love to
a woman.
KATANA
Yeah, well, you know what they say: those that
can't do, teach.
LUCAS
Listen kid, when you first came to me you were
a high school drop-out
wanna-be-actor...
KATANA
You’re confusing me with Kiefer Sutherland.
LUCAS
Oh yeah, that's right.
(BEAT)
Anyway, you and me might not be friends, kid, but blood runs thicker than water. And, there's going to com a day when you need something from me.
KATANA
Not likely.
LATIFA
Don't be so sure, Katana. We all have needs.
Even you.
(BEAT)
Why don't you tell him dear.
LUCAS
I don't know if I...
KATANA
Tell me what!
LATIFA
You're...
LUCAS
Dear?
LATIFA
You're brother Toronomo is one them.
Katana looks angered and walks out. Once Katana has left, Lucas looks at Latifa and laughs. Latifa begins to laugh as well.
LUCAS
I knew telling him that would get him involved.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. LUCAS' ABODE
Lucas and Latifa have just
had a confrontation with the Vampires
from Hell. They are leaving the room.
LUCAS
Those cocky little bastards! I'll have the Hounds of Hell chew them up into a million pieces and...
LATIFA
The Hounds of Hell are only in comic books,
darling.
LUCAS
Oh yeah, that's right. What the hell are we
going to do now?
LATIFA
You just said it, dear.
LUCAS
What? Said what?
LATIFA
Hell, Alexander Hell.
Lucas breaks into a broad smile and reaches for the phone.
CUT TO:
INT. LUCAS' ABODE
Alexander Hell stands,
Latifa enters frame and walks up to him.
She comes close, looks into his eyes, caresses his hair.
LATIFA
Do you remember the times we had together.
Alexander looks away.
LATIFA
You know that it was I who got you out of
Hell. Lucas was going to leave
you there.
Alexander looks a bit angered.
Latifa continues to caress him.
LATIFA
Though you're only a human, you love is the
best I have ever known.
Latifa attempts to kiss Alexander. He pulls back.
ALEXANDER
Believe me, babe, you weren't that good.
Alexander leaves frame.
Latifa follow him with her eyes.
EXT. WOODS - DAY
Katana and Hell sit on the ground in the woods.
FINAL SCENE
FIRST DRAFT
KATANA
And, you thought it was over...
HELL
You mean it’s not over?
KATANA
(shaking his head)
Nope, not yet.
HELL
(exasperated)
Oh, come on, man... It's got to be over.
KATANA
(still shaking his head)
No, unh unh. Anieo. Sorry Charlie, Think again. It's still going on.
HELL
(in a very adolescent manner)
Nuh, unh.
KATANA
Hun hunh.
HELL
Oh, man, not more of that.
KATANA
Yes, Alex. . .
HELL
That's Alexander
KATANA
Yeah, whatever. Like Lady Octavia told
when you lead people on...
HELL
(interrupting)
You mean like, when I told her hasta la pasta
out there in the desert that
didn't mean that
her and I were donesville
Daddy-0.
KATANA
That's right.
HELL
Oh, man.
KATANA
And, you know Alex, that when you went off with that women that night.
(Thinking),
what was her name: Debbie, Daisy...
HELL
Desereta.
KATANA
Oh, yah, that's right. Well, you know when you
went off with her, Susie was
lonely.
HELL
No! You didn't.
KATANA
(very stern)
Yes Alex, I did. We all have our needs. You
have yours and I have mine. I
make her one of
the breed of the night.
HELL
Damn, and she wasn't even faithful.
KATANA
And, now she will chase you until your dying
day.
HELL
Thanks a lot man.
(BEAT)
That’s it. I'm going to stop messing with those chicks, man. No more. Unh, unh. Not me. Not this one.
As they sit there for a
moment MEGAMI appears sitting in between
them.
Hell and Katana are both startled.
She is dressed in street clothing. They both study her.
MEGAMI
How are you two doing?
HELL
Ana tawa Ango hana she mas ka?
MEGAMI
Of course I do silly man.
HELL
Wow, cool, I didn't know that.
MEGAMI
There is a lot of think that you don't know.
KATANA
We took care of those Vampire's from Hell like
you asked us to.
Megami looks Katana up and down
MEGAMI
Maybe.
She then looks at Hell.
MEGAMI
What are you guys doing way out here?
KATANA
Well, we were on our way back from the desert.
HELL
(interrupting)
Yeah, were on the way to Lucas’s to pick up the
keys to ray new crib.
MEGAMI
(becoming obviously interested)
Oh, you have a new house?
HELL
Yeah. I made this deal with Lucas, for sending
the vampires back to Hell.
MEGAMI
Is it large.
KATANA
Lucas's places is a castle.
MEGAMI
(becoming very interested)
I love men with large places.
HELL
(becoming very suave)
Really?
MEGAMI
Really.
(BEAT)
Do you have a big car too?
HELL
I have a Harley. And, it's very big.
Hell and Megami begin to touch each other and start to kiss.
KATANA
(becoming frustrated)
Alex, you said you weren't going to do this
anymore.
HELL
I lied.
Megarai and Hell very into each other.
Katana sits looking frustrated.
Into frame walks Lucas wearing a suit and tie.
LUCAS
Sir Katana, Alexander, Megami, glad to see
you.
Katana a bit hesitant, stands up.
HELL
(standing up, smiling)
Lucas, just on the way to your place to pick
up the front door keys to my new
crib.
LUCAS
Well, Alexander, there a few areas of the
contract we really haven’t
haven't discussed
yet.
HELL
What do you mean?
LUCAS
Well, like I don't think that you're going to
live long enough to take
possession of my
castle.
HELL
Huh?
LUCAS
That's the problem with being mortal,
Alexander. You can be killed.
(BEAT)
Now, Katana on the other hand...
HELL
Just get to the point, man. What's up?
LUCAS
Got a few friends here I think you'll remember.
Numerous Vampires from Hell materialize.
KATANA
(angry)
How'd you bring them back up here? What about Lucifier Jr.?
LUCAS
Lucifier Jr. Well, he's out of a job. He screwed up one too many times. So, Daddy sent him back to the soul janitorial detail. (BEAT) Actually, it's what I was up to all along. Now I'm in charge: up here and at the gate.
(BEAT)
I don't like you two. Never did. Thought I
could use you. I figured the
Vampires would
get you Hell; and MacGavin, you,
Katana. I
bet wrong. It happens to the
best of us
gamblers. Now my boys here are
going to take
care of you.
Hell goes for his sword. Katana laughing grabs him.
KATANA
(laughing)
Don't worry about it, Alex. We've got Megami here.
She'll send 'em all back to Hell, with a wave of her hand.
HELL
Really? Cool.
Hell goes and puts his arm around Megami
HELL
Do your stuff, babe.
Megami looking very
worried. She disappears. Hell is left with
no one in his arm. Katana looks at Hell. Hell
looks at Katana.
Katana shrugs.
KATANA
Oh, well...
Hasta la vista, baby.
Lucas unleashes his vampires.
LUCAS
Low Fat, Chow Mein, get 'em!
Two of Lucas's men look at
one another a bit confused but run to
fight anyway.
LUCAS
Suki Aki, Teri Aki, go!
(BEAT)
Kim She, Blue Mo Gee, kill!
A fight happens with Hell and Katana becoming victorious.
Lucas walks through his men laying on the ground looking disgusted.
HELL
Looks like its over, Lucas. The keys if you please.
LUCAS
Not yet, Hell. You may have had my woman, but your not going to get my castle.
Lucas pulls out a golden stake.
Katana is obviously shaken.
LUCAS
First it’s you, Katana. Then you, Hell.
HELL
Come on, man, with what? That?
KATANA
Where did you get that?
LUCAS
Hell, of course. Now that I am the keeper of the gate...
HELL
So what, man. It’s just a stake. Let's go kick his ass.
Hell begins to walk forward, Katana holds him back.
KATANA
That’s not just a stake, Alexander. It's the mythical golden stake.
HELL
And, So...
LUCAS
Go ahead, Katana, tell him about it.
KATANA
If it’s stabbed into a Vampire, he goes to
bloodless Hell forever.
HELL
Sounds like your problem, man; not mine.
LUCAS
Go ahead,
(winking)
Tell him what it does to a human, male...
KATANA
(hesitant)
It sends them to the Hell of no women.
(BEAT)
(Katana stares at Hell)
Of which there is no exit.
HELL
Oh, man, un cool.
LUCAS
Now, I will send you two, to your own worst, Hell.
Lucas begins to run at
Katana. Hell sticks his leg out and trip
Lucas. He falls and the stake goes through his Lucas's heart.
HELL
Oh, you mean something like that?
(Hell smiles, looks at Katana)
Let's get out of here man.
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